For Brother

When you’re a kid, trying to find your place in the world, there’s always that one person that you look up to more than anyone else. Be it an older student, your best friend, a cousin, or Britney Spears. You look to them for guidance, support and friendship; all of those things that a good role model (not Britney Spears) has to offer. 
For me, that person was my brother.

It made no difference to me that he’s six years older and male with vastly different interests from my own. He was always the first person I turned to.
Of course, we fought as all siblings tend to do. What else would you expect? I’d tell on him for something and he’d use me as a moving target for roping practice (not as cruel as it sounds, I promise).
Regardless, I knew I could count on him to take care of me even when he didn’t really feel like it. Looking back, I know there were many, many, many times that I annoyed the hell out of him. That time he had to get on the bus to yell at a kid that called me “stupid”; or when he started coaching my softball team instead of playing baseball for his own; or carrying me around Six Flags cause my legs wouldn’t stop shaking after getting off  of the “Dungeon Drop”. Through all of that, I never heard him complain. Nobody wants their baby sister hanging around all the time but he never made me feel like he didn’t care. 

I never felt more safe than when I was with him. It didn’t matter if he was driving 100 miles per hour (which never happened, Mom) I knew that he wouldn’t let anything happen to me. I trust him with my life, as I always have. My protector. 
He’s always been the strongest person I know. Never giving up, never losing. I learned so much from him; lessons that I could not have learned from anyone else. 

Everyone gives credit to the parents for molding them into the person they are; but I owe as much to my brother. Without him, I don’t know who I would be. 

I love you, Brother. 

“I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. I sought my brother and I found all three.” – Unknown

Dear Poor You,

Dear Poor You,

This has to stop. Immediately.
I see your Facebook posts. The ones that say, “Nobody loves me”, “Will I ever find a guy to make me happy?”, “Nobody would even care if I died.”; all of them. This kind of behavior is unacceptable.

Nobody would dare to call me a sensitive person; at least not as sensitivity pertains to the happiness of healthy, capable people. Like you. So, when I see or hear you complaining about how your life has no meaning because you’re not in a relationship, I want to punch you in the throat. SNAP OUT OF IT!

So, your relationship ended. So, you’ve been single for most of the year. Big deal! Relationships end everyday and single people are everywhere. You’re not alone. Your situation is not unique. Move on.

I am a firm believer in the “walk it off” philosophy. Get up, dust yourself off and get going.

You say you don’t know if you’ll ever be truly happy?
I’m sorry but if YOU don’t know, then I’m afraid no one else will be able to help you either.

Your happiness does not depend on anyone but yourself. Period. No person should have that kind of power of your life and if they do, then it’s not really your life anyway, so there’s no reason for it to trouble you.

Happiness isn’t a prize won when you say, “I do”.  Relationships don’t equal automatic bliss. That job you’ve been hoping for won’t grant you instant felicity; neither will the money, the cars, or the clothes (or the hoes *in my Drake voice*).
Happiness starts with you. If you aren’t happy with yourself then how can you expect anyone else to be?

How do you reach true happiness, you ask?
Open your eyes.  Can’t you see how blessed you are?
There are people all over the world who would graciously accept your problems in exchange for your blessings. A good job, a home, a family, awesome friends that are ready to reassure you the instant you start to question yourself.  You’re healthy, smart, beautiful, and you are the only person who doesn’t think so.

Life is too short and there are far too many amazing things in it to enjoy for you to waste time with your “poor me’s”.

You don’t need a boyfriend to transform you into a complete and worthwhile person. You are complete and worthwhile all on your own.

I cannot say that you will ever meet “the one”. That’s a promise I would not even make to myself. I can say; however, that with or without him, your life is worth living.
You need to see that for yourself.
Stop assessing the value of your life against the blessings of others.

You have your own blessings to count.

P.S. Next time it will be a punch in the throat.

To the Nice Guy

Dear Mr. Nice Guy,

You are exceptional! What makes you so great? The list is a long one.
You are honest, respectful, considerate, thoughtful, kind, funny, generous, sensitive. You know when (and how) to make me laugh, you know when to be attentive. You are able to tell when I need my space and you give it to me without question.  You choose your battles wisely, only arguing when you know I want a fight but you never submit (even though you’re always wrong). You aren’t jealous, or possessive, or demeaning. You build me up, support my decisions. You are the optimism I need when I am feeling like a failure. My sarcasm doesn’t offend you. You’re understanding, and compassionate. Perfect.

I owe you an apology, several in fact. I’d like to first apologize to all the nice guys of the world on behalf of my gender, at least a large portion of it. I am sorry that we were unable to recognize you for what you are: a good man. I am sorry for friend-zoning you when, in our own selfishness and fear we committed to a platonic relationship with you. I am sorry that we did not want to “complicate” things; for coming to you for relationship advice; for allowing you to sleep over and hold us through the night. I apologize for telling you how grateful we are to have a friend like you when all along, you’ve wanted more. I apologize for the appalled expression when someone suggests that we make a cute couple. And for complaining that there aren’t any good men left. We didn’t mean to overlook you.
For women, and some men, everywhere, I sincerely apologize.

The truth is, I trust you completely. You have proven time and time again that you are trustworthy and loyal. You’ve seen me at my best, my worst, my in between. I cherish the connection we share. You are important to me.
You would be a loving, faithful husband, a doting father, a gentle lover. When I look at you, I see hearts, flowers and forever. It would be effortless to fall for you, as falling should be. You deserve to be with someone as kind, considerate, caring, generous and supportive as you are. An ideal woman for the ideal man.
But, I’m not her.

I’m selfish, argumentative, fiercely independent, detached. I know who I am, and I know that you deserve better.
When I push you away, it’s not because I don’t like you, it’s not a signal for you to try harder; it’s because I don’t want to hurt you. When I get mad at you for giving me gifts, don’t think I didn’t like them, I just don’t want you to expect anything in return. Because I can’t give you what you’re looking for.
The reason, I don’t like surprises is because I can’t anticipate your moves, I can’t protect you from yourself.

Maybe you’re wondering why any woman in her right mind would push away the ideal man, the nice guy. Simple. I’m not ready for forever.
One day, perhaps but I’m not planning for that day yet.
You’re the ‘settle down’ type but my freedom is my most cherished possession.

I’m sorry if I’ve misled you by allowing you to hope for a future together. I am sorry for insisting that I didn’t want to complicate things when they’ve been complicated from the very start. I am sorry for my selfishness in encouraging you not to give up; for taking so long to say that I can’t. I won’t.
I’m just not quite ready for nice.

The Mean Girl

In Need

I’ve figured you out
You’re just another soul
Lost along your path
Searching for your home
Wandering through the world
Struggling on your own
I know it’s hard sometimes
Being all alone.
It feels like no one loves you
It’s as if nobody’s there
But they don’t know you need them
That you just need them to care
It’s hard to be the first to reach out
Afraid you’ll push them away,
I know exactly what that’s like
I feel it everyday.
Too scared to say the words
Most needed to be said
Fearing the rejection
You could receive, instead. 
The risk is just too much
and you’re not the gambling type 
You may not get the response you want
But then again, you might.
That’s why it’s called a “chance”
You never really know,
This way, that way, up or down
Whichever way it will go.
Don’t give up the good in fear of the bad
Imagine what you’d miss!
So much joy comes after pain
And the joy is worth the risk.
Alone too long, stuck in your way
It must be tough to change,
But we all need someone we can love,
who will love us just the same.
If no one makes the first move
You’ll be stuck right where you are
No need to rush, just take it slow
Baby steps to start.
After all the hurt you’ve suffered
A little luck is long past due
Show them what you’re made of,
The better version you’ve found of you.
You have overcome the past
Bad habits, you’ve let go
Improving yourself everyday
Be proud to let it show!
You defeated your addiction,
Fought the demons that were near
One opponent left to destroy,
This one? Only, Fear. 

Too Soon

This isn’t exactly a post about religion, but it’s sure to offend some people and if you are in any way offended…well, I’m sorry that you feel that way.
This post isn’t about what I believe versus what you believe; I’ve already done that bit. (Religion and Truth). This is just my opinion about a few of the flaws that I have found in the practices of those close to me. What I consider to be a flaw, you might believe to be a nice quality and that’s okay, believe what you want. Your beliefs do not actually affect my own.

Okay, enough with the disclaimer.

I was raised in a Christian household. For many years, I never questioned it I just went along with what I was told. Since, I’ve grown up (a little) I’ve come to realize that there are faults within the beliefs that were taught to me; I have since, wandered from the pack. I don’t align myself with any one religion, I have beliefs that span several of them and I am unable to find one that incorporates everything I believe. That is not to say that I am without spiritual guidance, I do have faith, just maybe not the same as others.

Lately I have noticed A LOT of kids (ages 17-20) getting married and starting families. This probably isn’t a new development but I am noticing it now. Now, that I no longer fall into the 17-20 year old category. This urgency to get married at such a young age is particularly popular with those that “have a close relationship with God”. The quotations are there because I know many people that prefer that phrasing over the term “Religious”.

Side note: Why do some religious people dislike being called “religious”?

Knowing a couple of these youngsters (geez, that word makes me feel old) personally, I can’t help but be a tad bit skeptical. I am aware that they have made a vow to put God first in their lives, and to remain chaste until marriage, and all that good stuff. And truly, I think that’s great. But, my obvious first reaction to hearing the news of their impending nuptials is “okay, so they’re trying for a quick marriage so that they can get down to the de-flowering.” I get it.

I know, I know. It’s very cynical of me.

Geez Megy, don’t you think that maybe they might, perhaps, really be ready for a family?
Couldn’t they really, truly, be in love?
Isn’t that a possibility?

No, it isn’t.
Don’t get me wrong, I know that sometimes people do meet the love of their life at 16. My mother and step-father are evidence of that. But it is the exception, and not the rule.

I am sure that all of us at some point when we were growing up, felt that we were in love. Ready for forever, and promises to love, honor, and obey and all that mess, …when we were horny teenagers. I thought I was in love. I even tried to run away to be with him; though, I didn’t get very far. That is however, my point exactly.
EVERYONE thought they’d found love at an early age until they realized they hadn’t. That wasn’t love. Lust, infatuation, obsession, the desire to be grown; not love.
It takes a while to realize it, but once you do, it seems like the most obvious thing in the world. What was I thinking?

With the divorce rate being what it is, I am amazed that these children are in such a hurry to be married. But again, if you’re saving yourself for marriage, I can see why you would want to put a rush on it.
And here’s my problem (one of them) with religion, or more specifically, religious parents. They would pressure their children into getting married too young, just so that they don’t have pre-marital sex?!
Fornication = Bad
Divorce = Eh.

I don’t understand that.

In a perfect world where the divorce rate wasn’t so high and people actually stayed in love, remaining chaste would be great. Unfortunately, that’s not the world we live in.
I’m not saying go forth and be whores, there are a lot of risks that come along with sex so you have to be careful about it.
Marriage is supposed to be binding and once the novelty of sex wears off there has to be something else to hold it together. Entering into marriage for any other reason than you are deeply in love and committed to this one other person, isn’t right.  It isn’t to be taken lightly, though it often is.

The likelihood of finding your soul-mate, “The one”, in your little one-horse town at the age of 17 is a billion to one. There’s a whole world to explore!

I sincerely wish only the best for the young couples, and I genuinely hope that everything works out for them. I just can’t help but be a bit leery.